Well another year has come and passed for me. I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to adjust to the new schedule my husband is on. For him 3 am is the new thing. So it's bed at 8:30pm. It's amazing how your body adapts. I have to say it leaves very little time for us. I miss him a great deal. I am so used to him being home during the day and being able to call him when the urge hits me. Plus him bringing me to work and then picking me up. Don't get me wrong I am thankful and extremely grateful to God for this new job. It's just little things that I have to make my heart adapt to.
I hadn't driven a car or any other vehicle, for that matter, in almost a year. So driving myself again has even been an experience in itself. I get to listen to the radio station I want and I get to listen to it as loud as I want. I can get up and go (even though I don't) whenever I want. I can even talk to myself or God when I want. I talk to God a lot in the car since I can't seem to find 5 minutes peace at home. I must admit though that driving across the bridge everyday has been awful . I was physically sick the first day. I know that in time I will get used to it again.
I am still trying to remain as obedient as I can to God. Even with the blog. This may sound very silly, but this last week posting has really been on my heart and mind. I honestly can't explain it to you. I will say this when I post I not only feel better, but amazing things also seem to happen. I do not how this blog is supposed to work in my life or even the life of somebody else, but I do know this that when God is talking I am listening.
I have also spent some of the time trying to understand where I have been and why some days I still seem to be there. I guess somewhere in my mind I believed that once he got back to work I would feel better and for the most part I do. Yet there are still things I struggle with on a daily basis. I thought that my journey had come to an end and what I have found is that my new journey has somehow overlapped my old journey. I realize now that things won't always look brighter right away. There are still days that I feel alone and abandoned. There are still days that my whole life seems to be nothing but chaos. I also know this if I know nothing else. I am NOT alone and he has NOT abandoned me. Yes my life is chaos, but I must remain faithful to him for he will begin to heal all the things inside me and around me that are broken or out of whack. Someday, in his time the light at the end won't be so dim, it will be brighter than ever. It's being patient and knowing he will always find a way. Some things are just out of my hands, so I have to leave them in his. I know that with every fiber in my heart and soul I will some day be totally free from all the demons that torture me. So in the words of John Waller " While I'm waiting I will serve you, While I'm waiting I will worship you."
So in saying that I will be posting some prayers that were left for me and I find great comfort in them when I am in that place. When I read them I know that God cared enough about me and my well being to give them to someone to share with me, so that I knew I was loved and he was there. Please feel free to print them out or write them down so that you may give them to others. Maybe just maybe you might help someone that truly needs to know that they are loved.
