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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Finding Hope in the Midst of Chaos




Dear Diary,

I have spent the last few days trying to settle my mind, heart, and spirit. I know now that since I have rededicated myself to God and this path he has put me on, the devil is going to launch a full fledge attack to try and keep me close and in the same place I have always been. Faith I know is the answer. I must remind myself to stay as faithful as I can. When the devil comes knocking I am going to have to let my faith answer the door.

The daily struggle of trying to find myself though has exhausted me. So on Saturday night I figured I would take the day off. You see I work 6 ½ days a week and I usually try to take Sunday and catch up on housework that has been neglected. The kids go to church on Sunday mornings and usually do not return home until after the last service.  I thought this would be a prime opportunity to just take Sunday and make it my day.
I was going to do whatever it is I wanted to do read a book, crochet, or maybe just veg in front of the T.V. for hours. I wasn’t even going to get dressed, if I didn’t want to.
Sunday morning comes and I wake the children promptly at 8:30 a.m. so that they can begin getting ready to go. I was so excited to just be having some me time. That was until their ride called and said she was not going to be able to pick them up because she was extremely sick.  Oh NO! there goes my day off.  By 10:00 a.m. I had already refereed three fights (one in which I ended up hollering at my youngest and sending her to her room), tripped and fell over shoes that were left in the floor after it was decided they weren’t going to church, and chased the dog out of my toilet bowl more times that I could count because someone left the bathroom door open.  Things began to calm a bit when my hubby and our second daughter went out for a bit around 1:00 p.m. . The other two seem to disperse and hide from my now extremely fowl mood.
As I lay flipping through the channels, thinking Yeah!now finally some alone time, a close friend of mine decides to stop by with her 5 year old twins in tow. Now usually she will call before coming so that way I have time to prepare the house and my own sanity for their arrival.  Everyone knows how busy one 5 year old can be, but two are an adventure.
By the time she was ready to leave 2 hours later one of them had gotten a hold of a can of air freshener and may or may not have sprayed it into the others mouth, spilled Kool-Aid on the coffee table and then proceeded to play in it, smacked each other with the remote repeatedly and when I went to correct them for smacking one of them not sure which gives me the finger, and they threw dog food all over the kitchen just to watch the dog chase after it.
Once gone and after cleaning up the mess I did manage to take a nice hot bath and get some chicken noodle soup on for dinner.  Needless to say though by 4:00 p.m. when the hubby returned the chaos with our own children began again.  Most of the evening was spent listening to them argue, laugh and giggle very loudly over a movie I was trying hard to watch, and then complain about how boring said movie was. I finally lost all my self-control and told all of them I didn’t want to hear another peep out of them until the movie was over.  Fortunately, for me I didn’t hear anymore the rest of the night because by 10:30 they had all fallen asleep on the couch.  But as I watched each of them sleep I was grateful and thankful to the Lord above for each of them. I could not imagine not having each one of them in my life, each day. My life wouldn’t be the same without the chaos they bring to it.

So with working on my list I have found that one of the things that bring me the greatest joy in my life is my girls. For me now it will be about learning to enjoy them through my heart and soul, the way God intended me to enjoy them





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